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Oscars 2013: the meanest show ever?

'Pick on someone your own size', snipped Christopher Plummer to mean host MacFarlane.

When The Onion tweeted inadvisedly about Quvenzhané Wallis shortly after the Oscars ended last night, Twitter exploded in outrage. An hour later and the tweet was removed. But the tweet about the nine-year-old nominee seemed to fit right in to an evening that had been both vicious and sexist in its attempts at humor.

Host Seth Macfarlane began the unfunny references to Wallis as he introduced her to the audience in the early part of the show. "It'll be 16 years before she's too old for Clooney," he said. Did anyone laugh?

There was a mean-spirited quality to Macfarlane's Oscars that went beyond the usual awkward imbalance of celebrating and embarrassing a self-indulgent industry in the same show. When did awards shows become such clumsyroasts? And could someone funny PLEASE start writing the jokes?

As the lights came up over the Dolby Theater at the beginning of the evening, the audience could be seen beaming and clapping. Except for one. Dressed, like Hamlet entirely in black, Robert Downey Jr, kept his arms folded tightly across his chest and nodded his head tersely. He clearly knew what to expect.

The nastiness started with a cheap shot at last year's winner for best actor, the Frenchman, Jean Dujardin, who had won for The Artist.

Thank God for the singing. Well, some of the singing. Certainly not the Macfarlane rendition of "We Saw your Boobs" which seemed to have been put together by a bunch of seventh grade boys – the demographic that ABC is longing to snare. (The best reaction to this song was Zero Dark Thirty Director Kathryn Bigelow's unchanging stone face. Minute 8.50).

Macfarlane had a go at her movie later, when he dropped a thud of a joke on Zero Dark Thirty. It's "a celebration of every woman's innate inability to never, ever let anything go," he said about the hunt for Osama bin Laden.

Shirley Bassey, Adele, Barbara Streisand, Jennifer Hudson and Norah Jones saved the evening and finally made the entertainment entertaining. You could sense the relief as the audience gave the singers rapturous applause. Lengthy standing ovations rewarded not just great performances (Bassey, Hudson and Streisand) but a break from the endless badly written snark.

No question of that happening. But at least the night came to a fitting end. After Michelle Obama raised the tone of the broadcast by announcing the best picture award for Argo from the White House, MacFarlane was forced to stand on stage and sing The Loser Song. Finally a joke that worked.

昨晚的奧斯卡頒獎(jiǎng)典禮剛落幕，洋蔥新聞網(wǎng)發(fā)表了一條有關(guān)奎文贊妮•瓦利斯的欠考慮的，即刻在推特網(wǎng)上引起軒然大波。一小時(shí)后這條被刪除了。但這條調(diào)侃年僅九歲的奧斯卡提名者的似乎與這場(chǎng)為營(yíng)造喜劇氛圍而充滿惡意和性別歧視的奧斯卡之夜正相匹配。

主持人塞思•麥克法蘭在節(jié)目初始向觀眾介紹瓦利斯時(shí)就開(kāi)始了并不風(fēng)趣的言辭。他說(shuō)道：“16年后，她對(duì)于克魯尼來(lái)說(shuō)就太老了。”臺(tái)下有人笑了嗎？

麥克法蘭主持的這屆奧斯卡頒獎(jiǎng)典禮帶有一種刻薄的意味，這比往屆的奧斯卡秀有過(guò)之而無(wú)不及。往屆頒獎(jiǎng)典禮經(jīng)常陷于既慶祝又嘲諷這個(gè)自我放縱的行業(yè)的尷尬境地。頒獎(jiǎng)禮什么時(shí)候開(kāi)始變成了一場(chǎng)笨拙的嘲諷晚會(huì)了？拜托編劇能寫(xiě)一些更有趣的笑話嗎？

當(dāng)晚隨著燈光開(kāi)始照亮整個(gè)杜比劇場(chǎng)，觀眾都在微笑鼓掌。除了全身黑色、穿得像哈姆雷特的小羅伯特•唐尼。他雙臂緊緊地交叉放在胸前，短促地點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭。顯然，他知道將發(fā)生什么。

令人惡心的地方從對(duì)演員讓•杜雅爾丹的惡意中傷開(kāi)始。這位來(lái)自法國(guó)的男演員憑借《藝術(shù)家》獲得去年奧斯卡最佳男演員獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)。

感謝那些歌曲。當(dāng)然，是感謝某些歌曲。麥克法蘭的那首《我們看過(guò)你的咪咪》顯然不在其中。這首歌像是一幫七年級(jí)的男生（美國(guó)廣播公司極想吸引的聽(tīng)眾群）寫(xiě)出來(lái)的。（對(duì)待這首歌最好的回應(yīng)是《獵殺本•拉登》的導(dǎo)演凱瑟琳•畢格羅8分50秒時(shí)給的石頭臉。）

之后麥克法蘭也評(píng)價(jià)了她的電影，并對(duì)《獵殺本•拉登》這部電影說(shuō)了點(diǎn)玩笑話。他把獵殺本•拉登形容為：“慶祝每個(gè)女人天生就永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)讓事情過(guò)去”。

雪莉•貝西、阿黛爾、芭芭拉•史翠珊、詹妮弗•哈德森以及諾拉•瓊斯的表演拯救了這個(gè)夜晚，讓這場(chǎng)娛樂(lè)盛會(huì)終于變得歡樂(lè)起來(lái)。我們能感受到觀眾在致以歌手們熱烈的掌聲時(shí)終于松了口氣?，F(xiàn)場(chǎng)觀眾長(zhǎng)時(shí)間的起立歡呼不只是對(duì)（貝西、哈德森和史翠珊等人）杰出表演的衷心祝賀，更是對(duì)從冗長(zhǎng)的糟糕節(jié)目中解脫出來(lái)的如釋重負(fù)。

發(fā)生這種事不是沒(méi)可能。至少晚會(huì)還算有個(gè)恰當(dāng)?shù)慕Y(jié)尾。在來(lái)自白宮的一段視頻里，米歇爾•奧巴馬提高音調(diào)宣布本屆奧斯卡最佳影片獎(jiǎng)是《逃離德黑蘭》。之后，麥克法蘭被迫在舞臺(tái)上演唱《失敗者之歌》。終于，有一個(gè)笑話算是起作用了。

Vocabulary:

inadvisedly: 魯莽地，欠思慮的

roast: [口語(yǔ)]苛責(zé)；嘲笑

standing ovation: 長(zhǎng)時(shí)間起立鼓掌；起立致敬